This is one of the hardest times of my life. I'll be 28 next week, I have been maried almost 5 years, my husband is 2.5 years younger than me. No kids, nothing together except some furniture in storage and only $1000 in debt on a credit card. (Thank God!)
Here's a brief summary of our marriage.
-he cheated on me a little over a year into our marriage. I found out after it happened, took him a couple of years to tell me everything after I thought it was clear and we tried to work it out.
-most of his friends were female, which was ok becuause my best friends growing up were 2 guys and my husband is friends with them.
-found out he was talking to 2 females that he hid and lied about (at inapropriate times, middle of night, texting, phone convos- and I found a very romantic letter to another girl)
- he blamed ME for cheating because he said I was never home bc I worked 2 jobs rather than spending time with him. He said another friend gave him attention and then he started seeing her on the side. I never met this girl. I found a letter in his jeans that he wrote her when I did laundry one day. In it he said when she told him they couldnt see eachother anymore, that all his blood in his body turned cold, he was scared, sad. Confused on what to do. He said he was sorry she never met his mom. (?!) That he would always have a special spot for her in his heart and to never think bad of him. (this was translated from Spanish) this was 1 year after we got married. Wow he didn't wait any time to cheat! lol He blamed me for it b/c I was too tired to spend time with him during the week when I worked 2 jobs.
-he got in a serious accident, and I was there for him and took him to hyperbaric therapy all week for 3 hours a day for 3 months since he couldn't drive.and months after when he was given full permission by the doctor to return the work, he lied about job hunting as he stayed at home playing playstation all day and all night.
-maxed out our credit card in a week without telling me, I was PISSED
-gave $1300 to a friend behind my back and lied to me about it when a bill came to our house. Took his friend 2 years to pay him back!
-to top it off, he played playstation so much that it ruined our lives together. All he wanted with me was sex and our sex life went downhill because I felt like he was using me. Then he would get mad that I started leaving the house and doing things like visiting my mom, going to the bookstore, working out… instead of being home listening to him playing video games. I finally ripped the playstation out the wall and threw it in the dumpster.
So I cancelled the lease on our apartment because he kept saying he would change and I was tired of bringing home the money and arguing 24/7. I did my part for 4 years and I was tired of trying without anything in return. HA- 2 days before we seperated, he LIED AGAIN thinking I was stupid saying "I really didn't cheat, I just lied the whole time that I did cheat because you believed I did." I was laughing because this crap is so old. (then he said "yea I did cheat, it really did happen)
So- we've been seperated for almost 6 months. I honestly don't see him as someone I can have kids with, depend on, grow old with or trust. My trust is gone with him. Sometimes I'm scared of going through the divorce process, having false hope that he will change. He has been working 2 jobs, making money, doing things now that he never did and it annoys me that NOW he buys flowers for me, sends me cards,… he had all the time to do it, so why now? He got a HUGE (ghetto) tattoo across his chest saying "honesty, loyalty, respect" saying I'm the reason he changed. He never plays playstation anymore and doesn't want to. Why didn't he cut down the playsation time when we lived together, you know? I wouldn't have minded him playing playstation here and there but for 6 hours a day or more, and him not doing his part was what did it for me. I know that if I was stupid to get back with him, deep down I can't forget the pain he put me through. Now that he is scared of losing me for good, he is trying to be the man he could have been 4 years ago. Now I am putting my all into my career at my salon, livig life for myself.
Suggestion:
Get your divorce cut all ties with him.Change your phone numbers and pass words and stay away from any of his friends and tell your friends not to pass any information about you to him or any of his friends.How do you know he will not revert to his old ways once you get back together.In my personal experience once a man cheats the urge for him to do it again is very strong and he will probably do it again.Your young move on with your life and find yourself a gentle loving loving man you can trust.
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