My parents have been divorced since I was six years old. Now, nine years later, they still harbor bad feelings about each other and fight whenever they come in contact. Apparently my father owes a massive sum of money, years and years, of unpaid child support. If he was in the US, he would probably go to jail. He lives 45 mins away from where I go to school and my mom's house. I got a job and have been heping renovating my house in the past few weeks as he was doing business stuff for two months, and he had to move out of his apartment after some financial difficulties. I also am vegan, and living with my mom is easier because she understands and is a nutritionist, so she makes sure my brother's diet is good too(he's ADHD.) In the past, my dad has taken us away from our mom for weeks at a time without her consent. I feel more like a pawn than I do something of worth. Does he want me there because I'm his daughter, or to just cause my mom pain, so we aren't with her? He's telling me he's looking at a three bedroom place for us and needs to talk to us about what it's going to be like for the next year, because he doesn't want to get it unless we are going to spend week on week off at each house. I haven't told him that I want to go to Mexico this summer- my grandma has a place there, and is offering to pay my ticket for me to go for 22 days. I don't want to say I'll be there and just leave. He also said me not answering the phone hurts him, and he's already had enough pain and suffering after breaking up with his girlfriend, who was really a gold digger.I feel sorry for him- he thinks he has to throw money at people for them to love him, and even when we were younger he would try to make up for going out every night with a laptop or a Playstation. Now that he wants to actually spend time with us, wer're all grown up and don't have as much time. At this age, I want to be with my friends- but I can't if I'm always at his place. Everything I know is here, but I love Vancouver and my dad a lot, probably more than he knows. I wish he could understand how unreasonable he can be and that life isn't a game you can win easily.
If he wants to be with us so much, why hasn't he moved here? Why doesn't he pay for us? I don't care about money, but knowing he would rather party with his friends is a slap in the face. I want to tell him he's caused me enough pain with their shitty divorce that seems like it happened yesterday, and hearing him talk **** about my mom makes me want to hide. I also recently found out he cheated on her with his secretary when I was just a kid. After all the times he told me the divorce was hard on him. I don't know if I can trust him anymore. What do I do?
Suggestion:
You sound like a really bright girl and seem to pretty much see things as they are. I cannot help wondering if this sudden wish for your dad to have you with him is more due to him splitting up with his girlfriend and being lonely than really putting what is in yours and your brothers best interest first.
In my book a dad who really loves his kids not only pays his child support but does his best to see them as much as possible and does not bad mouth their mother in front of them regardless of personal feelings he should work with her to be a good parent all the time not just when it suits him. Incidentally I would say exactly the same of your mom if she had been the one who had left.
You seem to have a good stable home with your mom, she has obviously done a great job in bringing up such a smart girl. Also I can't help wondering that if your dad was unable to pay your child support and unable to keep up an apartment then how does he plan to pay for a three bedroomed place as well as support you.
I would stay where you are and tell him that you would just like to visit him for weekends or alternate weekends, if he really wants to build up a relationship with you and is putting you first he will agree to this and realise after the way he has behaved to you and your brother in the past he is lucky that you want to even do this.
As I said at the beginning you seem to have a good take on what is really going on here and you should trust your judgement and follow your instincts.
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